murphyNo. 01 · The label, translated
The front of the bottle sells you.
The back tells you what you bought.
I’ll translate.
You bought it. You saw it on TikTok. Your dermatologist swears by it. You’re wondering if it’s actually worth the money. Skincare or makeup, send it to me.
No. 02 · The Read
Keep it. Toss it. Swap it.
Three sizes of the same read. Got one bottle? Ask if it’s Worth it? If your skin isn’t responding to what you’re using, that’s a Shelf or an Overhaul. Every one ends the same way: a clear verdict and what to try instead.
Worth it?
$25You're eyeing something or you already own it, and you want the truth. A full decode and a verdict.
- Translation every line of the label, in plain English
- Analysis what each ingredient is doing there, and the flags for your skin
- Verdict keep it, toss it, or swap it, with alternatives at your budget
- 48-hour turnaround
Shelf
$150A full decode, a keep, toss, or swap on each product, your flags, and better swaps matched to your skin and budget.
- Translation each label on the shelf, up to ten
- Analysis what each product is doing, the overlaps, and the gaps across them
- Verdict on every product, and a summary of what to keep, toss, and the best swaps
- 5 to 7 days
Overhaul
$300For when nothing on the shelf is working and patching it is not the answer. A Start-Over with a routine built for your skin and your budget.
- Translation everything on the shelf
- Analysis what the routine is doing, and what it is missing
- Verdict a routine rebuilt from scratch, with a written walkthrough
- Follow-up with adjustments if needed
- 7 to 10 days
Form first, then payment. Everything in writing. No calls.
No. 03 · Who’s reading your label
Thirty years of reading faces. Now I read the fine print.
Skincare and makeup, both. I’ve been a professional makeup artist since 1991, a licensed aesthetician since 2005, and I’ve formulated skincare for fifteen years. I know what a formula is trying to do, and I can tell you when the label and the promise don’t match.
- Makeup
- Artist since 1991
- Skincare
- Aesthetician since 2005
- Formulator
- 15 years
I used to write the front of the bottle. Now I read you the back.
I can’t diagnose your skin or promise a result. I can tell you exactly what’s in the bottle, and I’ll say when a product is mine.
Jen’s card →How the read works
No. 04 · The process
Send pics
What to send:
- Three photos of your face with no makeup: front, left side, right side
- The bottle, front and back, if you have it
- A short form: the product, your skin, your routine and your budget
Your photos are stored privately, never published, never used in marketing, and deleted when you ask.
I translate
Every ingredient in plain English:
- What it does
- Why it’s there
- Flags for your skin
You decide
I give you a verdict. The decision is always yours:
- Keep it
- Toss it
- Swap it, with alternatives at your price point
Know better → choose better.
The reference shelf is free
Browse on your own first. When you want a read, I’m here.